The Pharisee in me

Post for October, 2012:  The Pharisee in me
(Note: I was going to post this in early October, but a couple of things intervened and this is the first opportunity I've had to put this out there. My apologies.)

Writing this isn’t pleasant for me, but if I am not honest with you, my testimony is worthless.  Last week I gave in to offence and anger due in large part to my expectations.  Here’s what happened.  My wife and I were attending a church service and towards the end of it, the Minister conducting the service, (who has a prophetic gift), came up to us and said “I have something for you, but now is just not right.  Will you be here tomorrow night?”  We said yes. Going home, I was flying inside.  First because of the service and second because, God had a word for us and we would receive it tomorrow!  That night I had dreams of being blessed and I just sailed through the day.  That evening we got to the meeting early and found good seats on the front row.  During the service, the Minister informed us that he would be laying hands on everyone there and providing an impartation.  Things were just getting better and better!  At the end of the service, we cleared the chairs from the room and folks lined up to receive the impartation.  My wife and I were standing together and my excitement was building as he drew nearer.  What did God have to say to us?  What would be unleashed in our lives through the impartation?     The moment was at hand…he stood before us.  He put his hands on our foreheads and said something like “Receive in the name of the Lord.”  Then he moved on.  No personal prophecy for us, and even worse, I felt nothing from his touch.  I was stunned, and then I was angry!  I felt lied to and cheated.  I was angry with the Minister, but even angrier with God.  Then I sank into depression, because I knew in my heart that I could never really turn my back on God.  I remembered the passage in one of the gospels where a large number of Jesus’ disciples have just left Him.  He’s looking at the 12 who stayed and asked them if they were going to leave too.   I think it was Peter who responded, “Where else would we go Lord, You have the Words of Life!”  That got me to tone down the angry rhetoric in my head, but didn’t do much for the hurt feelings.  That got me thinking of the Pharisees and how much my actions were like them.

They knew the Law and the Prophets.  They knew they were God’s chosen people, and they knew the Messiah was coming to save them and establish His kingdom here on earth.  I think they had an expectation that Christ would praise them for their righteousness and exalt them when He restored the Kingdom of Israel and freed them from Roman control.  Instead, they were chastised, challenged and ridiculed before the common people.  Nor did Jesus take them aside and explain to them what was really happening.  Small wonder they took offence.  In similar fashion, my expectations were not met, nor was there any explanation.  I, like the Pharisees, lost sight of the fact that God is God.  His ways are not our ways and He is under no obligation to explain Himself to us.

But that is not the end.  A day later, I was at our Men’s Night Out dinner at our local church.  We were singing worship songs and I could feel my heart softening.  I was still hurting a little, when I heard His voice inside my head.  He said, “Let it go, Chris.  I still love you and I always will.”  And that was the end of that!

We may never know God’s reasoning, but we can always be certain of His Love.